gilbert did say being smart was better than being pretty
tomorrow i will be the quarter century girl.
that means my quarter-life crisis can begin. jesus, what the fuck is THAT going to be like?
i know it won't be about sports cars and divorce. this crisis is going to be about wondering if i should be at the point of having all the things that i'll want to discard of when i hit mid-life. i'll panic about security and validity and some semblance of status quo. i find have enough behind me with still enough ahead of me to feel i can't touch the bookends of my life. good, but precarious. and where exactly is my nobel prize?
i've always been obsessed with child prodigies. they thought i was pretty smart early on and bumped me up with the older kids (aka no friends in kindergarden for me), but it didn't really do anything. i'm sure most kids at that age can adapt to their surroundings. anyway, so, i wasn't a child prodigy - or, at least, i did not find the outlet for my genius at an early enough age - and had to deal with the meager term of "bright". meanwhile, i pined to be a tortured artist of intellect or french horn. i watched "Searching For Bobby Fischer" many times. i fantisized of interviews on tv and radio. old men at desks, me sitting in chairs much to big for my child frame. my answers, full of shakespearean wit and dry humor thought to be reserved for adults, would leave audiences of grown-ups all agape and applauding. i'd have written the longest novel by a 9 year old ever written. and the headline reads "Kid's Tome Long and Brilliant." brilliant! or i'd have composed music. discovered a new math theorem. got an oscar. something. anything.
but no.
that means my quarter-life crisis can begin. jesus, what the fuck is THAT going to be like?
i know it won't be about sports cars and divorce. this crisis is going to be about wondering if i should be at the point of having all the things that i'll want to discard of when i hit mid-life. i'll panic about security and validity and some semblance of status quo. i find have enough behind me with still enough ahead of me to feel i can't touch the bookends of my life. good, but precarious. and where exactly is my nobel prize?
i've always been obsessed with child prodigies. they thought i was pretty smart early on and bumped me up with the older kids (aka no friends in kindergarden for me), but it didn't really do anything. i'm sure most kids at that age can adapt to their surroundings. anyway, so, i wasn't a child prodigy - or, at least, i did not find the outlet for my genius at an early enough age - and had to deal with the meager term of "bright". meanwhile, i pined to be a tortured artist of intellect or french horn. i watched "Searching For Bobby Fischer" many times. i fantisized of interviews on tv and radio. old men at desks, me sitting in chairs much to big for my child frame. my answers, full of shakespearean wit and dry humor thought to be reserved for adults, would leave audiences of grown-ups all agape and applauding. i'd have written the longest novel by a 9 year old ever written. and the headline reads "Kid's Tome Long and Brilliant." brilliant! or i'd have composed music. discovered a new math theorem. got an oscar. something. anything.
but no.
posted by evil at 2:27 PM
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